"Is refinement a gentleman, or a Gentleman In Refinement on March 6, 2021?"

In today's world the most common perception of a Gentleman is one who is chivalrous, courteous and treats women with respect. The word Gentleman two hundred years ago would be used to describe a man of good social position, especially one of wealth and significant leisure, and one of noble birth and breeding. Over time the word gentleman is used less frequently. Could it be that there are so few gentlemen in our lives? I hope that is not so. I am going to take a stab at the making of a gentleman with the help of material I have read, and have seen in play in my time on this earth.

A Few Trees Have Actually Survived In This Difficult Environment

Perhaps the word gentleman can only be earned in the eyes of today's society. If that was true 'they' would need to learn and practice such behaviour to achieve the status that meant so much to so few centuries ago. Not everyone can be a gentleman whether they try, or not. There are many who achieve wealth by using ruthless means that are within the law. They have earned their money and status on the backs of others who are just barely earning a living. That is so unfair, and it should never be the norm in modern society. And there are many who have lived quality lives and given much to society and their fellow mankind. The noun Gentlemen and Gentlewomen comes to mind when I think of some whom I have met that have earned that distinction by their words and actions. But still in other folks whose dialogue, demeanour and activity opposing gentlemanly behaviour suggests Emancipation never took place. 

The golden rules of Gentlemanship in this time of our lives could be:

1. To not be impulsive, to take a deep breath and pause to think what would really be the best action to take in the long run for you and others.

2. To establish a personal code of conduct. For the gentleman, the choices he makes on his way to the finish line matters more than the outcome he achieves.

3. To show class in victory and defeat.

4. To make the uncomfortable people in your circle be comfortable. A true gentleman goes out of his way to make uncomfortable people feel welcomed, wanted and valued.

5. The man argues about the letter of the law while the gentleman exceeds the spirit of the law. The gentleman exceeds expectations even when there’s no apparent reward. The gentleman understands that consistently exceeding expectations will win him more benefit in the long run.

6.  Take and give or receive rejection with grace. 

7. To never flaunt your wealth. The gentleman never shows off and never contrasts his superior resources to someone else's relative scarcity.

8. Speak like a gentleman and demand the use of appropriate dialogue to avoid sarcasm, condescension, and smugness. These tools demean, insult, and reveal a lack of class. Think of a more respectful and thoughtful way to make your point. Minimize gossip.

9.  Muster the courage to go it alone. It takes a man of strong moral character to put aside his self-interest in favour of living by his principles. The few who prove up to that task often walk that path alone.

10. To allow yourself to be human. Genuine gentlemen do screw up, but they also take responsibility for their errors, make amends when necessary, and rarely commit the same misdeed twice.

The guidelines written above can be something to study and attempt to apply to our individual lives. Point ten allows that no one can be perfect in its application all of the time, so help me God.

 

These two have survived.